Tag Archives: The Realist

Better Late Than… Paul Krassner’s Predictions for 2014

Paul Krassner is smart and funny and each year he comes up with predictions for the next year.

In case you don’t know Krasner’s rep, he founded the political satire magazine The Realist in 1958.

Krassner was a friend of the controversial comic Lenny Bruce and edited Bruce’s autobiography, “How to Talk Dirty and Influence People.”

Somehow I missed Krassner’s predictions for 2014 when they were first published on January 10, 2014, but if you like I missed them too, then read on.

Paul Krassner writes:

* Steve Jobs, the late founder and chief designer of the Apple Empire, will be honored posthumously by the Wall Street Journal for morphing the concept of planned obsolescence from a negative aspect of capitalism into a shrewd marketing virtue.

* Toddlers who can turn the pages of an electronic magazine on iPad with the swipe of a finger will get frustrated and have tantrums trying to turn the pages of a physical print magazine.

* Millennials will enjoy watching Avatar on their iPhones.

* Google’s chief executive, Larry Page, will retract his prognostication that “Eventually you’ll have an implant, where you think about a fact, it will just tell you the answer.”

* Jeff Bezos, who is now the owner of both Amazon.com and the Washington Post, will arrange for subscribers to pay extra for having their copies of the Post delivered by drones.

* Chelsea Manning — formerly Bradley Manning — will escape from prison with the aid of wealthy supporters. She will be flown to Russia, staying with fellow whistle-blower Edward Snowden until she finds a place of her own. However, Vladimir Putin will interfere with Manning’s asylum, threatening to throw him out. But Manning’s attorneys will then convince President Putin that, since Manning is of the transgender persuasion, having intercourse with a male individual would legally be considered a heterosexual act.

* Dan Savage — the gay activist who successfully led a mass online prank, landing the word Santorum listed on Google as “1. The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex. 2. Senator Rick Santorum [infamous for homophobia]” — will reveal potential presidential candidate Ted Cruz as a user of Viagra, and although Cruz will fail to obtain an erection, his right arm will stiffen and go straight up.

Read the rest of Krassner’s predictions here.

– A Days of the Crazy-Wild blog post –